As of last Tuesday I got a much needed hip surgery, as I have been dealing with hip pain for several years now. I will spare you the medical mumbo-jumbo about what was wrong with me and what my next steps are, but all in all it’s been a pretty simple recovery process. I’m lucky.
I’m lucky it was a simple procedure, and it wasn’t anything serious. Regardless of the seriousness of a procedure, however, I think it helps you to learn things about yourself and those in your life.
What I didn’t realize before going under the knife was the reality check I was going to face. I was prepared for the pain. I was prepared for the immobility of my leg. I was prepared for the boredom of constantly sleeping. I was prepared for drugs that would blur all of my days together (that lasted maybe three days). I was even prepared for my clumsy self attempting to navigate crutches. What I wasn’t prepared for, however, was being still.
When I say being still, I am referring to the moments where I am laying in bed, hearing the birds chirp, the noises of my family going about their days, the smell of the barbecue from across the street, kids laughing as they jump on the trampoline… and there I am. Being still.
That has been the toughest thing to grasp. On the inside I am dancing or going to work and driving down the street with my windows down, but on the outside I am still. I’m recuperating and healing, because I have no other choice.
Why has this been a perspective shift? This has forced me to calm down, to find beauty in the simplicity. Having time to myself is difficult for me because I enjoy dedicating my time to being around others. There is a beauty in sitting there, however, taking in the sounds of the afternoon, and allowing yourself to just “be.”
This has allowed me to appreciate the people who have put their daily lives aside to help me, be still with me, send me kind gestures and words, and provide overall support. This kindness ranged from my family members who woke me up at all hours of the night to make sure I took medicine. It was portrayed by the friends who visited me, bringing me gifts and/or keeping me company (I was on medication for some of these visits, sorry for falling asleep on you while you were mid-sentence Amera). There were my coworkers at Five Nines who sent me flowers the day after my surgery, and all of the individuals who called me or sent me messages either wishing me the best, or checking in on me. I can’t forget my boyfriend, who (bless his heart) is acting like he’s genuinely enjoying sitting around doing nothing with me. I could not have grasped the love from these particular people without this inconvenience I had to go through.
This has allowed me to never take my movement for granted. The old saying is true, you only realize how much you use or appreciate something until it’s gone. There are a lot of people out there who are permanently immobile, and they have no choice but to be still. I applaud the individuals who live their lives to the fullest like that, and I never want to take things like walking to class or swinging a golf club (poorly) for granted ever again.
So I will embrace this perspective change. I will be still. I will remain as still as needed to recover, in order to get back to my daily shenanigans. As always, regardless of the situation, I will never let my positivity get away from me. The beauty of life, the love of my people, and the individuals who aren’t as fortunate as I am deserve as much.
My round-about-upside-down point to all of this dear readers is: we are not always going to be dealt a fun hand. Things will not always go in our favor. That’s a good thing. Embrace the uncomfortable. Accept the inconveniences. Assess who truly cares. Grow yourself everyday.
I’m going to go practice being still, I tire quickly nowadays.
Much love, xoxo.